The fish that ate the stars.

In a pond of a stylized garden, somewhere on earth, the fishes lived a simple life. Swimming around, eating the insects that got trapped on the surface of their watery domain. They were content. The oldest catfish in the pond, named Pain, settled all disputes through its wise rulings, and days and nights passed in a joyous monotony.

One day, a really small, red fish came into the pond. Its name was Russell, and it was a gladiator fish. It had up to the moment lived alone, in its own private aquarium. Gladiator fishes are very territorial, and will take offence and attack all other fishes. Russell was not exception.

He attacked the small fishes, and they retreated. He attacked the medium-sized fishes, and they retreated. He attacked the big fishes and they retreated. He was happy, for he felt he ruled the pond.

But the other fishes were distraught. His rule of tyranny was perturbing. They went to Pain, even though he too had bowed down to Russell's reign of fear, and asked him to intervene.

"Pain, Pain, you who are so wise, why have you bowed to Russell?", asked the little sucker fish.

"I am as old as this here pond, my little friend, and have lived to see others like him die. I worry not, he will attempt to fight the mighty one, and then he will be put in his place.", said Pain.

The fish were sad, but did not protest.

Latter that day, however the little sucker fish went up to Russell and told him what Pain had said. Russell was mad with rage! He extended his gills, to make him look bigger, and went to challenge Pain.

"Pain! Pain! You old fool, how dare you challenge my authority? You call yourself the mighty one? You want to challenge me?"

"Mighty Russell, you misunderstand, I am, as you say old, and perhaps senile. Excuse me if I have inadvertently vexed you with my words." , said Pain, "Yet, I regret to tell you that I am not the mighty one. I speak of another, the true ruler of this pond."

"Hah!", exclaimed Russell, "And who is the master of the pond, old fool, but Me?"

"The master of the pond is the one that eats the highest in our chain. You might fight and win against all of us, but you still eat the same insects that are trapped on the surface with us; yet every night there are thousands of bright insects, all trapped a bit out of the wall, and you eat none of them. Yet every day this bright insects disappear, eaten. The one who eats them, is the true lord of the pond."

"Then I will eat them too, and challenge him."

The night came and Russell lept and lept and lept, trying to reach the stars, which he thought to be glowing insects. And as he lept and lept and lept he failed. Every day he slept and every night he tried to reach the stars. And the other fish were happy, for their normal life had resumed. Russell was no longer harassing them.

Yet Russell still tried with all his might, but to no avail. He became thinner and thinner, for he barely ate any of the insects in the surface, reserving his appetite for what he consider the meal he deserved. Thus, autumn past, then winter and then spring. One night, the night between spring and summer, tired, he went to find Pain.

"Pain, tell me, why can I not eat the glowing insects, while I try with all my might?"

"What matters to you most Russell?"

"To reach, and eat the glowing insects."

"And if you do, what then?"

"I will have challenged the lord of the Pond. I will be happy and all the fish will fear me."

"All the fish already fear you, Russell. Why do you want them to be afraid?"

"Not all the fish fear me. The lord of the pond is not afraid of me."

"Why do you want fish to be afraid of you?"

"Because I might be small, but I want the world to know me."

"The other fish now know you. Can you not be happy if the lord of the pond does not know you, does not fear you?"

"No."

"Then try again tonight, and you shall succeed.", said Pain, knowing that the fireflies were going to come that very night, the night between spring and summer.

And Russell wept tears of gratefulness, but in the water you cannot see the tears. He went to the bottom of the pond, to its deepest point. He built up speed, as he never had before, and went away, crossing the barrier between the water and the air, and was never seen again in the pond.

That night many glowing insects in the stars disappeared before the Sun came out, and since then all the fish in the pond remember the story of Russell, the lord of the pond, the eater of stars.

Νυφάδα.

Μέσα σε τόση ζέστη. Ζέστη αφόρητη, ζέστη ασυνήθιστη. Περπατάω. Οι δρόμοι του Παρισιού, διψασμένοι, σιωπηλοί.

Στην έξοδο από το μετρό άκουσα για άλλη μια φορά το ηχογραφημένο μήνυμα τους, να παρακαλεί τους επιβάτες να προσέχουν τα πράγματά τους, και άμα δούνε ένα παρατημένο αντικείμενο να ειδοποιήσουν το σταθμάρχη. Πλέον το ακούω καθημερινά τουλάχιστον 2 φορές. Πόσα πολλά μου λέει ένα τέτοιο απλό ηχογραφημένο μήνυμα;

Μου λέει ότι μας προτείνουν να μην εμπιστευόμαστε τους γύρω μας. Μου λέει να πάω σπίτι μου και να μείνω εκεί. Μου λέει ότι και οι άλλοι ακούνε το ίδιο πράγμα κάθε μέρα. Ακόμα και να μη θέλεις, κάτι κάνει αυτή η επανάληψη. Δε σε σοκάρει πλέον το να σου λένε να μην εμπιστεύεσαι τους γύρω σου. Το μετρό του Παρισιού κρύβει πολλές αλήθειες μέσα του, μα για κάθε ένα πασάρει και ένα ψέμα.

Ψέμα. Ότι οι άνθρωποι δεν είναι ισάξιοι. Αλήθεια, ότι ως έχει, δεν είναι ίσοι.

Αλήθεια. Ότι υπάρχουν άτομα αφημένα στη μιζέρια. Ψέμα. Ότι αυτά τα άτομα έχουν ότι τους αξίζει.

Περπατάω στο Παρίσι, μια βραδιά Ιουνίου, ζεστή, βαριά. Επιστρέφω στο σπίτι μου, στο κουβούκλιό μου, μετά από το σινεμά. Το λεωφορείο πέρασε δίπλα μου, και εγώ νευρίασα που το έχασα. Αγχωμένος δίχως λόγο. Τι θα κάνεις όταν φτάσεις σπίτι σου; Θα γράψεις ένα ποστ και θα μιζεριάσεις σκέφτηκα...

Οι ρίζες μιας αυτοϊκανοποιούμενης προφητείας είναι μέσα μου ακόμα. Αλλά ξέρω πλέον ότι μόνος μου το προκαλούσα. Ναι, γυρνάω σε ένα άδειο σπίτι. Γυρνάω σε έναν υπολογιστή που μου προσφέρει τη ψευδαίσθηση της σύνδεσης με τους φίλους μου. Αλλά δεν είμαι μόνο αυτό. Εθελοτυφλούσα και δε έβλεπα πράγματα που θέλω να κάνω στο σπίτι και τα παρέβλεπα. Εθελοτυφλούσα και για τα πράγματα που έπρεπε να κάνω και ανέβαλα. Και εθελοτυφλούσα για τα πράγματα που έλεγα πως θέλω, αλλά στην ουσία ήθελα απλά την ιδέα τους, χωρίς τον κόπο της υλοποίησης τους.

Αλλά τελευταία, όποτε τείνω να μιζεριάσω, συνήθως το αντιλαμβάνομαι. Και σηκώνω τα μάτια μου, και σηκώνω το ηθικό μου και κάνω πράγματα. Και μερικές φορές τα πράγματα που κάνω δεν είναι να προσπαθώ να κλαφτώ.

Είναι ζεστή αυτή η νύχτα και ιδρώνω. Η ώρα προχωράει, κάνω πράγματα και ξαναπιάνω αυτό το κείμενο.

Μεγαλώνω. Αλλάζω. Σε μερικά από αυτά δε παρατηρώ τις αλλαγές ούτε εγώ. Λένε ότι οι έφηβοι λειτουργούν εγκεφαλικά διαφορετικά από τους ενήλικες. Πιστεύω ότι είμαι στην έξοδο από την εφηβεία. Αυτό ή έχω πολύ ελεύθερο χρόνο μόνος μου. Ή ίσως και τα δύο.

Όπως και να έχει. Όταν τα πράγματα μας φαίνονται δυσάρεστα, υπάρχει πάντα λύση: