Lost

I am Lost. Really lost.

What is to know oneself? How much of oneself is independent of the others that surround you, of the times you live in?

What is my worth in this world? Do I make it better? Do I help the people that need me?

Am I nothing more than a consumer, always asking how does this make ME feel, how does it affect ME?

Do I know anyone else? How can I? I am no longer sure of what I want to do! Do I enjoy my daily routine? Do I enjoy my work?

I have been trying to fill my time with enjoyable moments. But I feel so alone. How can I enjoy when I do not feel connected?

Did I create this feeling of loneliness? Why should my happiness depend on others? Can I not be autonomous?

What will I do after the Phd? Do I really need to finish it? Do I want to be with HER? Will I not keep having doubts so long as she keeps having doubts?

I want to be certain, like I was before. yet I know my certainty was based on an illusion. The world the situations changed and I stayed lost, forgotten.

I dislike the days I am living. I am lost, and unable to truly set for any direction. And this is eating me inside.